Swimming naked with hammerheads.
Clubbing seals with whiffle ball bats.
Drunk driving with Gary Busey.
Few things in life are as simultaneously exhilarating, dangerous, and ridiculous as playing live music.
You might challenge me on whether clubbing seals with whiffle ball bats is, in fact, dangerous.
Anyway, last Thursday we rolled into DLUX Studios to rehearse a few tunes.
My homeboys Slater and Major Badnews – who have been believers since day 1 – assisted in assembling a sick crew for the jam.
Together, we pulled in amazingly talented guys from some of the hottest bands and studios around.
Jesse Coletrain – Keys
Formerly pounding the black and whites for Katy Perry, Jesse is one of the baddest keys players I’ve ever met. He makes sounds come out of this machine you can’t even imagine. Need a Slash-like guitar solo on the fly? Yeah, he’ll play it at 1,000 mph… on the black keys. And it will be sick. When the Train’s coming through, best get the F off the tracks.
Mickey Sixx – Drums
Mick beats the drums like they owe him money. Formerly manning the kit for Finch, it's only a miracle of cosmic timing Mick isn’t currently drumming for Unwritten Law. Mick reminds me of one of those Indian deities with 8 arms. Because sometimes you have to turn around just to make sure there aren’t four dudes with drumsticks behind you.
Dirk Mustaine – Guitar
Dirk's bio is on its way, but until then, hear this: Dirk isn't so much a guitar player as a guitar killer. Wanted for felony assault with a deadly instrument in 6 states, Dirk spends his spare time developing advanced methods for deafening crowds, and has recently perfected a prototype amplifier that goes to 12.
Slater Cyrus – Bass
Little is known about Slater. He was kidnapped by wolves as an infant and forced to grow his hair in such a way as to completely shield his scalp from the harsh onslaught of the arctic elements. While we're not sure exactly how long its been growing, it should be noted we did find a whole chicken in there last Thursday.
Paz – Vocals, Guitar
Oh yeah, and this guy. Paz enjoys sunsets, warm pizza, and long walks on the beach. And from this angle, his sinuses are completely visible to the naked eye.
In short, the jam was off the hook. After a few short hours, it felt like we’d been playing together for months.
I can predict with certainty the first show is gonna rock.
And you’re all invited.
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