I’ll Be Your Disaster (if you’ll be my Instead)

I like hoodies.

I like hoodies.

“Don’t speak

I’m counting on your sympathy / to swallow all the words you’re chewing on.”

Starting today, I’ll be posting lyrics to a new song every week on Scribd.com.

The first one is “I’ll Be Your Disaster If You’ll Be My Instead.

It’s not your typical song about a girl. No unrequited love, no loss…

Just plain selfishness.

It’s about knowing who you’re meant to be with, but not — about being with an alternative just to keep yourself occupied.

About using each other. And maybe not mutually.

I’ll be your disaster… if you’ll be my instead.

It’s not pretty. But relationships frequently aren’t, I guess. It’s probably the most realistic “love song” I can write.

See the lyrics here, and see it performed live here in the Justin.tv Bedroom Sessions, featuring Jesse Coletrain on keys.

Paz - I'll Be Your Disaster (if you'll be my Instead)

Jamie Is Almost A Victoria’s Secret Model. But She Needs Our Help

13551_168024707327_167989777327_2688921_5709206_n

You know how the prettiest girls are always the bitchiest?

I believe this is Laffers Law of Inverse Attraction: The hotter the girl, the exponentially less friendly she will be.

This could not be any LESS TRUE of my friend Jamie Lee.

Jamie is one of the warmest, sweetest damn girls you’ll ever meet. Judging by her complete absence of ego, you’d never guess she’s THIS CLOSE to being a Victoria’s Secret model.

But she needs our help:

Click here to vote for her now. She’s the kind of person who’ll give you a massive hug for doing so.

13551_167994707327_167989777327_2688558_1226142_n

One Track: Owl City – Fireflies

Party games for emo dudes: Pin the tail on my brooding depression.

Party games for emo dudes: Pin the tail on my brooding depression.

One track wednesday brings you Owl City.

Enjoy.

Track: Fireflies (right click to download)
Artist: Owl City
Genre: Indie, Electro-Pop
Sounds Like: Death Cab for Cutie on mood-altering medication
More: When the track spins, you’ll feel like you’re in a world of magical fairies and gnomes. Then the hook brings you back to earth. Solid song, you’ll play it often.

How To Get Backstage With Nothing But Lime Soda and a Bad Attitude

backstageOpen bar is a great reason to love movie premieres.

Having a bar makes you wonder why all theaters don’t. Which would you prefer next time you visit the multiplex, a pack of stale Milk Duds or a double vodka tonic?

The only downside to bars at premieres is that people more famous than you are going to cut the line.

And everyone at a movie premiere is more famous than you.

That’s the situation I found myself in Saturday night at the Ricardo Montalban theatre.

Tommy Allstar hooked me up with an invitation earlier in the week, and introduced me to Velvet Revolver drummer Matt Sorum by e-mail, who told me to meet him up after the show.

This turned out to be more challenging than advertised.

Matt was slated to play the party after the showing. When the film curtain fell, he took the stage with Perry Ferrell, Juliette Lewis, and Macy Gray. They busted out some great rock covers – highlights included Macy’s signature deep throated version of Radiohead’s Creep, and Matt leading a rousing singalong of Rod Stewart’s Magie May.

As the band knocked out their last song and exited stage right, two beefy security guards promptly took up positions at the stage door and adjacent steps.

No problem, I’m with the band, right?

Wrong.

Me: Hi, I’m on Matt Sorum’s list

Beef: No you’re not.

Me: You didn’t look at the list.

Beef: There is no list.

Right.

So what to do – I’m supposed to meet up with Matt, right? I therefore assume I’m justified in doing whatever needs to be done to make that meeting happen.

I find myself asking what I would have done back on the McGraw tour.

On that tour, I learned something very important about getting backstage: namely, it’s not nearly as cool as you think

I remember as a kid, all I wanted to do was get backstage at a big concert. But once you’ve been back there 30 nights in a row, you realize there’s nothing magical about it. It’s a collection of drab concrete dressing rooms and makeshift offices. The people you want to meet probably don’t want to meet you, and it’s really weird to ask for a beer someone else paid for.

If you’re a hot girl of course, go ahead and disregard everything I just wrote.

But if you have a Y chromosome and ABSOLUTELY NEED to get backstage for some reason, carry a box.

People carrying boxes generally don’t get stopped, especially when they’re heavy and the people carrying them look like they know where they’re going.

People not carrying boxes, looking around with eyes wide and mouths agape like they’re in a kingdom of magical trolls and elves get stopped. Every time.

So I went looking for a box.

I found one by the front entrance. It was full of Izzy Lime Soda. Boxes full of soda are heavy. I hoisted it over my shoulder and made for the stage door.

I approached with confidence. I work here dammit. I’m tired and entitled. “Yo, hold that door.”

Beefy guard #2 holds the door open.

I’m in.

I set the box down and walk to the side stage dressing room. There’s Matt, doing his thing.

I walk up and introduce myself.

“Hey man!” says Matt, “Nice to meet you, glad you could make it.” We exchange pleasantries and he suggests we meet this week at his studio. Mission accomplished.

Matt’s surrounded by ten other people who want his attention, so I choose not to linger. We shake goodbye and say we’ll e-mail to set things up.

I grab an Izzy Lime Soda and bounce.

One Track: Feed Big B, Cause He’s Hungry

Yeah, we get it man. You're a redneck. Nah, you didn't need to back the harley into your living room to punctuate that message. By the way, did you eat Bubba Sparxx?

Doesn't it kind of look like he's showing off his couch for a craigslist ad? "And here's the couch, barely used, slightly on fire - $125 OBO. No delivery."

Big B is an aptly named guy.

Cause the dude’s big.

Big like, I ate Bubba Sparxx by accident, big.

Fortunately, size has little to do with making superior music (see: Aretha Franklin, Peter Griffin).

Track: Sinner (right click to download)
Artist: Big B (feat. Scott Russo)
Genre: Acoustic Rock Hip Hop
Sounds Like: Biz Markie and Everlast’s love child with laryngitis jamming out around a campfire

More:
Big B’s flow is raw yet slick, and the hook does its job. Scott Russo’s acoustic riff and croon on the chorus — eerily reminiscent of “Walrus” from the Elva record — gives the track a sunny San Diego vibe that’s just right.

Even More:
Thanks to Major Badnews for passing this along — solid pick.

Katy Perry and Jesse Coletrain Get Wet

katy perry birthday

Nice bowtie, homie.

Who’s that handsome looking dude in the dapper white bowtie?

Why, none other than Jesse Coletrain, the man on the 88 keys.

Click here to see the whole photo album from Katy Perry’s Birthday.

taylor swift

Call me crazy, but that dude behind taylor swift appears to be saluting the third reich in an altogether unorthodox fashion

Katy Perry’s birthday party last weekend involved a lot of paint, a cadre of oompa loompas, and apparently a dude behind Taylor Swift with a swastika on his shirt.

Guests were instructed to wear all white, and upon arrival found fruity-smelling paints readily available for Jackson Pollack-esque hijinks.

Coletrain also managed to save the life of a bedazzled co-ed who found herself skating and slipping towards disaster on a cake-frosting covered dancefloor.

Apparently no birthday is complete without ritual destruction of a multi-tiered birthday cake.

Was Jesse rewarded for his chivalrous save? You’ll have to ask him yourself :)

Bite Me. Please.

162427-3This Friday, you’re welcome to bite me.

In a totally platonic way, of course.

Brian Griffin Productions — the same awesome team that put on the sold out Paz Private Show last week at Key Club — is hosting a Vampire’s Ball at Vibiana in Hollywood.

Tickets are close to sold out already, but you may be able to snag one here before they’re gone.